ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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