God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
