How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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