Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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