tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
