hotel room ftw
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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