I don't think brook has ever known best
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
