his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
