i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the liver wants what the liver wants
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
