she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
