I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
