i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
