i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
two words: eviction party
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
