Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
