At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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