i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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