one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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