I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize