Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
