There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
