I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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