How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
