with your own penis?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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