I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
