doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
