mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
