Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
