please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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