bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
