Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
