Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
