Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
