Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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