Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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