I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
