I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
