I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your cock deserves a montage
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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