I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
