is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize