Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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