My liver just broke up with me...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
