You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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