the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize