Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
