I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
