Do you still have your period?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
