It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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