I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
