dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
