I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
