Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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