so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
