Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
