My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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