you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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