That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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