you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
