you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
