Soap is not a condiment
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize