I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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