Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The struggles of a small town man whore
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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