I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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