ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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