i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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