I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
