Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
