I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"it" just moved
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
