Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
