I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
