I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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